smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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