I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
