So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
