I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
