We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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