I hate all girls vehemently.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
