I want to make a zoo with you.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
