Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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