I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
