people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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