she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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