I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
