The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
