I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
