My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
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I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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