i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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