Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
