Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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