I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You need a sexual gate keeper
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
