I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
