I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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