Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
