I could have mohawked her pubes.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
you had me at cake vodka
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
