She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
