If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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