The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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