I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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