When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
