it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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