By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
