when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
be right there i have to get my cape
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
