Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
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The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
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And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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