we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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