i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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