I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
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want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
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I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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