I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I wish I only lived at night.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Randomize
