either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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