Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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