Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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