Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
