Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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