If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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