I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
