honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
