He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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