Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
