This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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