just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
