YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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