I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
