Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
