If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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