The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
