woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
