I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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