I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Randomize
