There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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