I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
