hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
