i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
