After last night, I could never be a politician.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
