its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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